Detours
by Rizzy.and.Izzy
Summary: "This is what Maura does to me. Has always done to me. She brings me to her without either of us moving. She grabs me, holds me, hugs the life outta me and she's still never left her chair." Established Rizzles. Jane's POV. Jane's just going to lunch, so why does it seem to take her forever? One-shot. Follows "Happy Sounds"


_simplyawesomepenguin is simply awesome, yes she is. _

_This story follows a few years after "Happy Sounds". You don't need to read that one, but you might like it. :) Slight manipulations of timelines and such, much like the other story. My longest story yet! I humbly ask you to give it a chance and I hope you'll like it. :)_

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She's in our kitchen making breakfast. She always wakes up a little earlier, a little easier. No matter what I do, I tend to wake up a little grumpy at first. Mostly because I have to go a whole eight hours before I can see her again. I make sure she's the last thing I see at night, though. It tends to soften the blow come morning, but not completely. So when I walk out into the kitchen, I'm the happiest I'll be all day. I don't need coffee. I don't even need any extra crispy bacon. Well not yet anyway. I just need to see her, first thing in the morning, her beautiful-with-absolutely-no-makeup face. I make my way over to sit on one of the stools and she turns to say good morning. I don't know whether it's the sun coming in from the window or if it's just her face, but there's a light around her usually only reserved for an angel. And yes, now it's a good morning. Yes, now the day can start. Yes please, I'll have extra strips of extra crispy bacon this morning, thank you.

I still can't believe this woman is my wife. I get to be with her almost all the time now. I try to be with her all the time, but real life doesn't often allow for that unfortunately. So I try to make this breakfast last as long as I can. I don't care that my coffee is freezing cold at this point. I don't care that the bacon now tastes more like a flat brick. She never considers breakfast finished until both of our plates are empty and I will forever love her for that. I try to be as slow as I can, because I know today I will probably only get to see her once, at lunch. And probably only for a short time at that. But that will be enough to carry me through until noon. And then after work I get to go home to her again, and that will be enough to carry me through the afternoon. I will never, even if I live to be a thousand, ever understand why I waited as long as I did to make this a reality.

...

It's a little bit before noon, as I glance around the department. Frost, Korsak and Frankie. Frankie, my little brother, but not so little anymore. He had adapted pretty well to his new role as detective. I thought I would have felt replaced or pushed aside when he was initially promoted. But I felt neither of those things. He was my little brother and I felt nothing but pride for him. I understood then why Ma always hugged us like she was trying to choke the life out of us. She wanted us to know that she loved us and that she saw us for who we were. That's why I wanted to hug Frankie when he got promoted. I decided against it, and watched him from my seat instead. I looked at him, and I held that look long enough for him to know what I meant. What I really wanted to do, to say. I was giving him the same look that he had given to me when I got promoted. He was much younger back then. Barely a speck. But when he looked at me, I was damned sure he wanted to jump up and hug the life out of me too. I was glad he didn't though, because I had no doubt the rest of the family would have done the same thing. And nobody needed all the rowdy raucous Rizzoli's getting arrested just when the oldest was making detective. It was gonna be hard enough starting out in a new unit without that coming with me too.

I check the clock. A few minutes to 12:00. Close enough. Frost, Korsak and Frankie had everything handled up here. As I left, I told them I was going downstairs. In the past, that would have meant I was going to see Ma at the Cafe or Maura in her office. Now it just meant I was seeing Maura. Ma's upstairs now, has been for quite a while. Don't get too worried, she's still with us. She doesn't work in the Cafe anymore, that's all. She's been working with the Rondo's Rejects mentoring program, has been for a few years. She desperately wanted to change the name when she first started, but self expression is empowering or something like that. They had chosen that name for themselves, and after explaining it to her, she was more than willing to let them keep it.

She did it all, our mother. She raised the three of us, and for a long time she did it alone. Frank was away at work most of the time, but he was gone long before he finally left her. We didn't make it easy on her growing up either. But through her subtle influence on each of us, we tried to be better as we got older. We got wiser and stronger under her neverending guidance. She let us grow up, move out, move away, but let us know that she would always be there. She would never leave, never move. And most importantly, no matter what the future held for her, she would never move on, from us. Never push us away. That's why she had reacted the way she did when Frank tried to make her sign the annulment. You could break every bone in my mother's body, take from deep within her the very last breath she would ever muster, and she would still never deny our existence. Even when Tommy had his troubles, he was still her son. Even more so her son, because he needed her even more.

She had moved beyond the shadow of Frank, from under the cloud of a just-divorced wife. Before Cavanaugh, there was her, just her. It was amazing to witness. Just as I had as a teenager, my mother was coming into her own again as an adult. Not beholden, not paired, not coupled with anyone else. She let it be just herself, the Cafe, and Stanley. After that whole rat poison debacle it was just her and the Cafe. She whipped that place into shape like nobody's business. She then cautiously started approaching Cavanaugh. It was at that point that she had decided she'd given herself enough time. She wanted to ask more of herself and expected to be given more too. She wanted more for herself than that little Cafe could give her. Those 'rejects' came in that day and she instantly took a shine to them. Rondo knew it. It was the same look he had in his eyes when he looked at them too. I remember that day. As Maura and I introduced ourselves to the 'rejects', I could see Ma and Rondo talking in the Cafe. They always talked, so initially I didn't think much of it. Ever since she found out he was that singer she loved, she was always putting extra time aside for him, time and love and food. Equal parts all. Ma always had a soft spot for the underdog. I guess that's where I got it from. So I wasn't too surprised when a few months later, Cavanaugh was announcing the permanent placement of the Rondo's Rejects Mentoring Program into the official precinct schedule. I could tell in the Lieutenant's eyes that she was the cause of this. Ma had talked to Cavanaugh because Rondo had talked to Ma. It was as simple as that. I still wasn't quite sure what I thought about the Lieutenant, even though he had been with my mother for more than a few months, but Rondo and Ma I wanted to hug until they hurt. Hug them, damn near crush them, until they knew exactly how much pain in the world that program was going to take away.

There was a small commencement ceremony that followed a few days later, to sort of mark the occasion. I'm thinking what we were all doing there had less to do with the new program, and more to do with my mother in the end. My Ma talking into Cavanaugh's ear, no doubt. Hey, if him being with her caused her to talk more into his ear than mine, I think I could eventually learn to like the guy. So we were all there. Me, Frankie, Ma, Cavanaugh and many of the other cops, too. Rondo's Rejects and Rondo as well, looking quite handsome in his suit. What did Ma call him, Dapper Don? I don't remember, but he looked more proud of himself than he had in quite a while. That day, when he went from being Confidential Informant to a rookie recruit for the program, I wanted nothing more than to hug the life outta him. I was surrounded by half the damn precinct, my mother, my brother, but I didn't care who was there. I didn't care who watched, and damn it if I didn't want those two other rowdy raucous Rizzoli's to join me in hugging him, too.

That day marked another occasion of sorts. It was the third time I had ever seen Rondo without his gloves on. His wedding band was visible. He had told me about it the second time I saw it. The first time I had barely noticed it. He always wore his gloves, so it took me awhile to notice that he actually wasn't wearing them. The wedding band, that wasn't what he was trying to cover up with those gloves. He would never try to cover that up. It was the pain he was trying hide. He just couldn't bare to look at it yet. Years later, and still not yet. He still loved her. He couldn't continue to be reminded of it, of her. He had to wear those gloves over it, because he still loved her. He still couldn't believe she was gone. That he would never be able to see his ring's other half on his wife's finger again. When Rondo could be totally honest with himself, he knew that was why he had gotten so lost over the years. Because what do you do when the love is still there, but the person isn't? You do the only logical thing there is to do, at least where love is concerned. You lose yourself. You lose every single thing you have. You lose it all. And that which you don't lose, you give away. You barely keep a grasp on anything anymore. You feel like you're losing the world and everything in it. Love is illogical, it listens to no reason.

I have to find a way to tell Rondo that we are still here for him, that we will always be here for him, no matter what. He could never lose any one of us. That we aren't going anywhere. If I could be totally honest as well, I think that is why it took me so long to move forward with Maura. Because what if she didn't feel the same? She would still be here, but her love woudn't be. Not in the way that I would want it to be. But my love for her would be the same. Me and my love would always be here for her in that way, in every way. That wouldn't have been something I could cover up either. If anything, her lack of feelings for me would have only made my feelings for her stronger. Like I said, love is illogical, nonsensical in its most extreme. That old saying, "...better to have loved and lost..." but no one ever talks about the moving on. After the love. After the loss. How do you do that? When the other person is gone, for whatever reason, when they are not here any longer, how do you not completely lose yourself too? Rondo, he is still here. And he is proving that fact just a little more each day. He might just be the strongest person I know. That makes him more than a Rizzoli in my book. Not by blood, but by bond. And a part of that bond being we watch out for each other no matter what.

Arriving at the precinct elevators, I push the arrow to go down. Which now only means Maura's office. Ma is on the 5th floor, still accessible, but at a much safer distance. Just kidding. Speaking of new things, Maura has dealt with some changes, too. She finally fired Dr. Pike. The hinterlands of Western Mass will never be the same. They sent a thank you note, a dozen roses and some fudge clusters. Not really. And Senior Criminalist Susie Chang has moved on too. Seriously. We were all sorry to see her go, but she was needed elsewhere. She went to the San Francisco Police Department to run their Crime Lab. She is very successful there, but she still keeps in touch with Maura. She'll text me too on occasion with "The test results are in," or "Am I interrupting?" Susie is a bit of a wildcard. I never did quite have enough time to figure her out like I would've liked. She says she always knew about me and Maura. I wish her nothing but the best.

It seems like I've been on my way to her office for hours when I finally open the doors to the Morgue and see my girl. "Maura." I say this every day, and every day in the same way. But she'll respond differently each time.

She'll either be sitting at her desk and she'll swivel her chair over to see me. She'll be looking down at some papers and her hair will sway from side to side as she turns her head and raises her eyes to me. We'll make eye contact, and cheek contact, and lips and teeth and skin contact. But I'll still be standing right by those doors. This is what Maura does to me. Has always done to me. She brings me to her without either of us moving. She grabs me, holds me, hugs the life outta me and she's still never left her chair.

Or she'll be by one of the examination tables, starting to get a body ready or having just completed one. She'll look up at me in those simple black scrubs. Those scrubs that have never for a second looked dumpy, or frumpy or whatever we were talking about while I was putting that wire on her. She even made that damn white Tyvek suit look better than that Strickenburg easily. There is always a table that seems to be between us, but that doesn't matter. When she looks into my eyes the whole damn Morgue floats away. When I look into her eyes I can bring my hand up and touch her warm, soft, perfect face from wherever in the galaxy I just so happened to be. And it's because of her smile. Her smile could stretch beyond all space and time and find me where ever I am and slingshot me right back to her. To within an inch of her face. So it's always a shock when I bring my hand up and I remember the amount of actual distance between us. I remedy this without delay. With as much swagger as I can muster, walking up to her as quickly as humanly possible, I can't stop until I can finally feel her.

And when we do touch, finally finally when we hug each other it's almost too much. In that hug, it's each others lives we take from one another, switch, and give back to the other. She pulls me in even closer as she says, "Sean and Ma are going to be coming over later. I think he's finally going to ask her to marry him." Just a simple sentence like that, and I'm in love with her all over again. It took Maura so long to finally see my mother as her mother as well. As her Ma, too. She always called her Angela, but never Ma. Maura had, and still does have really, such a complicated relationship with the female members on her side of the family. Not to mention her fathers, whom I'm not going to mention, don't worry. Just know that when she finally said "Ma" it was a big deal. It happened last Christmas. Maura and I were helping to hang the stockings when Tommy came into the living room. He wanted to know where Frankie was. "Frankie's in the kitchen. If he's not there you can ask Ma where he went," Maura had offered. Tommy looked at me, he knew what she said and what it meant. I knew too, but didn't say anything about it at the moment. I thought it better to wait until Maura had registered it herself. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Maura, for all the facts and details she absorbs on a daily basis, is really much better taking her time with certain things. So I gave her that. I gave to her as much time as she needed. When a person goes from being somene you know, to someone to love, to someone you think of as family that is something you should be allowed to have time to come to terms with.

The same way that I needed time with her. First when I was coming to terms with wanting her to be my girlfriend. Boy, I can't tell you how long it took me to finally realize that. But wanting her to be more than that, took no time at all. It was almost instant. For me to want Maura to be my wife was the only possible option, a foregone conclusion of the most glorious order. Even with all the possibilities that came along with it. It was then that I realized it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Because when you do, that grounds you, that centers you. More than you can imagine, that shows you yourself. Who you are. Who you were before her, without her, who you are now with her. And god forbid, who you would be after her. If that day comes and you find yourself without her, you can continue, you can live, you can go on. Because damnit, those memories do not go anywhere. They stay inside you, around you, within you. With all these memories around you bit by bit each one of them becomes like this tangible thing, this force, that cocoons around you and helps you move. Helps you take that first step, and that second one and soon you realize you can move again without it hurting. That slowly your life might have the possibility of moving forward again. And for what seems like the 50th time that day I'm reminded of Rondo again for some reason. I think he is finally starting to walk on his own again. Damnit, it takes a long time. It's a slow process. Slow, but possible. Again, I remind myself to tell Rondo he is not alone. He never was. And he is most certainly not without his wife. She has always been with him. Me and my inner dialogues again. My wife, for all the reasons and all the ways I love her, repeats her beautiful self to me one more time.

"Sean and Ma are coming over later. I think he's finally going to ask her to marry him," she says again, still holding herself close to me.

"How do you know?"

"Because he had that same look in his eyes as you did when you asked me."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, scared to death, but even more scared of not doing it."

She always could see right through to the heart of me. Beyond whatever I tried to stand behind. I learned how not to deflect nearly as much with her anymore. But sometimes, it still happened. So I say, "I wonder if Tommy's ever gonna make an honest woman out of Lydia then too?"

"Come on Jane, you know those two take longer than most."

And he's barely just made an honest man out of himself. The road to redemption was a long one for Tommy. But he's recovered so fully now that he deserves to no longer have his past be mentioned.

"Yeah, but TJ's what, almost 6 now? How much longer can they take?"

"Oh, and exactly how long did you take with me, Jane?"

That shuts me up.

Tommy and Lydia, and TJ. Oh, my. And now Cavanaugh and Ma are coming over tonight. Maybe I can finally welcome him as part of the family. I mean, honestly, I guess he's been a Rizzoli for a while now already. Maura looks at me and shakes her head.

"Jane," she lightly scolds, "He's probably going to be family very soon. Call him by his name already. Please."

She always could read my thoughts. Know what I was saying when I was thinking to myself, even if she said she couldn't.

"Okay. It'll be nice to have Sean and Ma come over."

"That's a good girl." she says. "But don't worry, Sean said they wouldn't be staying too late..."

She shows that little dimple that always implies more, and I'm hoping that he'll make it a very early night indeed.

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_Congratulations if you read it all. It's a bit different writing style than in the past. I hope you were able to enjoy it though._


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